The hardest part of writing this list was not the rhyming, but narrowing down my favourite 100 films of all time. It’s an overwhelming task.
In the end it was way too hard to rank them from #100 down to #1, so instead I broke them down into categories and didn’t rank them at all.
The categories (and the number of films within) are:
- Animated (5)
- Comic Book Films (5)
- Cult Classics (20)
- Feel Good… Sort Of (10)
- Fun Action (10)
- Get Thrills (10)
- Piss Your Pants (10)
- Serious Action (10)
- Timeless Classics (10)
- Unconventional Romance (10)
Lion King, The (1994)
Mosters Inc. (2001)
Toy Story (1995)
COMIC BOOK FILMS
Avengers, The (2012)
A comic movie that offers much more,
Than Cap, Iron Man, Hulk and Thor,
Whedon hitting the mark,
Giving each hero an arc,
Culminating in an action-packed war.
Dark Knight, The (2008)
It’s grittier than hillbilly teeth,
For the mask and the man underneath,
A journey for Dent,
And a clown who’s hell-bent,
With a powerful performance from Heath.
Iron Man (2008)
Spider-man 2 (2004)
Singer and cast remain true,
But none as impressive as Hugh,
As Magneto takes action,
Against mutant extraction,
And it gets even better in Two.
American Psycho (2000)
Before he was a do-gooder Bat,
Bale played psycho-boy Pat,
The humour is dark,
You’ll say “What the f$%k?”
When you see what he does with a cat.
Battle Royale (2000)
The concept is basically the same,
But this came before the first Hunger Game,
It’s kill or be killed,
And some are quite skilled,
Mitsuko makes Katniss look lame.
Big Lebowski, The (1998)
A piss with so much repercussion,
Offers more for further discussion,
One of the Coen’s best creations,
Gets a million quotations,
In a gown and holding a White Russian.
Blues Brothers, The (1980)
For coolness, this one takes the cake,
On a mission with Elwood and Jake,
An epic car chase,
And the music is ace,
A sequel was their only mistake.
Boogie Nights (1997)
Wahlberg leads an incredible cast,
Making porn and having a blast,
Many stories combined,
But they don’t feel confined,
And a huge dick that’s saved until last.
Bana looks like he’s had too many beers,
As the psycho who chopped his own ears,
A dark and gory view,
Still humour shines through,
The best Australian film made in years.
City of God (2002)
Stories told across three different times,
Concerning a city of violence and crimes,
Rocket just wants out,
But Li’l Zé’s no boy scout,
With money and power as he climbs.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Pre-Brokeback, Jake was fucked in the head,
Imagining a rabbit who is already dead,
A great support cast,
One of P. Swayze’s last,
Gave Kelly some cult movie cred’.
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
Based on Thompson’s top-selling book,
Is mostly about the drugs they both took,
A really bad trip,
But not one you should skip,
Depp’s so accurate he’s easily mistook.
Fight Club (1999)
A stellar performance from Norton,
And the six-pack Brad Pitt is sportin’,
It’s funny and twisted,
As faces are fisted,
An awesome way to get over boredom.
Scorsese’s gangsters are
Guard, The (2011)
This buddy-cop film is one of a kind,
Cheadle straight-face, Gleeson out of his mind,
But it’s not only thugs,
Into guns, pros and drugs,
As dialogue goes, this won’t be outshined.
Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang (2005)
Relaunched the career of Dow-ney,
He delivers the dialogue perfect-ly,
Kilmer’s best ever,
The plot: very clever,
No wonder Black got IM3.
Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
At heart it’s a deeply moving story,
But it is also sporadically gory,
Del Toro’s work features,
Some beautiful creatures,
Should have won the Foreign Oscar category.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
A cool factor that’ll never out-date,
In these stories that all interrelate,
And five-dollar shakes,
QT’s best? Now there’s the debate.
No better criminal than Tony Montana,
Refugee camp to a million dollar manor,
A thrilling climax to end,
Thanks to his little friend,
Causing more carnage than an angry Bruce Banner.
Star Wars (1977)
From the moment we saw those scrolling words,
This won over both cool kids and nerds,
With a legion of fans,
It’s still great as it stands,
Too bad most of the prequels were turds.
Taxi Driver (1976)
If you argued Pacino or DeNiro,
There’d be mention of this anti-hero,
With Bob in his prime,
One of the best of all time,
Better Scorsese films? Nearly zero.
The only time Ewan wouldn’t get a shag,
Was as Renton, when he’s hooked on skag,
Film’s messiest loo,
And sheets filled with poo,
To watch, some might need a sick bag.
Withnail & I (1987)
Two friends who love drugs and beers,
One meek and one who domineers
The concept’s courageous,
Grant’s superbly outrageous,
Too bad it was the height of both their careers.
FEEL GOOD… SORT OF
Almost Famous (2000)
We fell in love with Goldie Hawn’s daughter,
When she toured with a band called Stillwater,
The days of rock & roll,
It’s good for the soul,
Loosely based on Crowe’s time as reporter.
American Beauty (1999)
From afar Lester lives a good life,
But he struggles with a daughter and wife,
Strange times in the ‘burbs,
Intrigues and disturbs,
Which he says from the start, ends in strife.
Breakfast Club, The (1985)
Hughes defined the teen-film convention,
With five students stuck in detention,
Ringwald is quite venomous,
Towards Judd and his denim-ness,
But they bond after initial contention.
Ferris Beuller’s Day Off (1986)
The most creative way to skip school,
Makes his principal look like a fool,
Broderick has a ball,
Breaking the fourth wall,
No sex, drugs or violence – just cool.
Good Will Hunting (1997)
Matt and Ben’s well-written script shows heart,
A troubled street kid who’s incredibly smart,
With Williams comes strength,
You won’t notice the length,
Because you’re emotionally hooked from the start.
Life is Beautiful (1997)
Even with the subject this film addresses,
It inspires as much as it depresses,
A father’s imagination,
Gives his son salvation,
Roberto Benigni’s performance impresses.
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
For their daughter, they road trip across state
A whole family with a lot on their plate,
Sometimes a bit cheesy,
But watching is easy,
Thanks to actors who’re impossible to hate.
Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
Andy Dufresne is serving life for a crime,
In one of the most beloved films of all time,
Based on King’s short tale,
Depicts life in jail,
Friendship shines even through prison grime.
Stand by Me (1986)
When a local boy disappears,
Four friends go to find where he is,
One of River’s first features,
Dogs, trains and leeches,
Produce laughter as well as some tears.
Royal Tenembaums, The (2001)
A father’s absence deems quite sequential,
On three kids who all had huge potential,
Wes’ regular faces,
Again Murray aces,
For fans, Rushmore is also essential.
Back to the Future (1985)
Take a ride with Marty and Doc Brown,
They don’t need roads to get ‘round,
Fox charms with a smirk,
Against film’s biggest jerk,
The best time-travel movie? Hands down!
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
Back when Murphy enjoyed life at the top,
He played a street-wise, mouthy cop,
Part serious, part silly,
Just like Taggart and Billy,
To a theme song that’ll still make you bop.
Casino Royale (2006)
This relaunched the franchise of Bond,
Craig turning him badass and blonde,
The plot’s weak but makes sense,
Still the action’s intense,
Solace sucked but Skyfall kept us fond.
Die Hard (1988)
Hans Gruber is pretty much insane,
To crash a party when there’s John McClane,
Now it’s one against all,
Death by gun or by fall,
Broken glass can still be a big pane… (Get it?)
Lethal Weapon (1987)
It starts with the ‘odd couple’ bit,
And is now the biggest ‘buddy-cop’ hit,
Gibson’s psycho and wild*,
*Next to real-life, quite mild,
Best quote: “I’m gettin’ too old for this shit!”
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Ritchie’s debut is also his best,
Many characters and stories compressed,
The dialogue’s quick,
The soundtrack is slick,
Snatch was as good but too bad for the rest.
Out of Sight (1998)
Soderbergh’s best is about star-crossed lovers,
A cop chasing crims close as brothers,
A really cool cast,
Plus things heat up fast,
In a car boot, not under the covers.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
When Lucas and Speilberg join forces,
You get adventure with planes, cars and horses,
Indie makes no mistakes,
But man he hates snakes,
A sensory meal best served in three courses.
Top Gun (1986)
When Cougar becomes a head case,
Maverick is sent in his place,
He don’t play by the rules,
But that’s how he pulls,
Man, Top Gun is so flippin’ ace.
Two Hands (1999)
Shot before Ledger hit fame,
It’s far from commercially-tame,
“Shotties are good”
In the Aussie-style ‘hood’,
Bogan-humour without being lame.
A Time To Kill (1996)
McConoughey puts on his serious face,
As the lawyer defending Sam Jackson’s case,
A big cast support,
Not all just in court,
But social reflection on race.
American History X (1998)
Norton’s performance will amaze,
As a skinhead trying to change his ways,
Many scenes will disturb,
Whether shower or curb,
Leaves you feeling hollow for days.
Blair Witch Project, The (1999)
The first film to make me lose sleep,
Was impressive, since made on the cheap,
Just a cam and good story,
All implied, never gory,
Too bad the sequel was a steaming shit heap.
Game, The (1997)
Another psychological test from The Finch,
Penn tries to loosen up Douglas’ Grinch,
A twist-filled plot,
What’s real and what’s not?
Plenty of moments that will make you flinch.
Gone Baby Gone (2007)
Ben’s acting makes me want to spew,
But I admire his directorial debut,
What happens is shit,
But will leave viewers split,
With the question: “What would you do?”
Primal Fear (1996)
Gere’s perfect as smug but still caring,
But he’s second best whenever he’s sharing,
The screen with young Ed,
Who’s fucked in the head,
At the end you’ll just sit blankly staring.
This reinvented the horror slashing,
With young teens screaming and pashing,
Don’t fuck with Ghostface,
Or run away post-haste,
The sequels just made for a cash-in.
Fincher’s first knocks viewers from their blocks,
Disturbing deaths provide on-going shocks,
A mastermind psychopath,
Is seeking out wrath,
By presenting Brad Pitt with a box.
Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Usual Suspects, The (1995)
No Country for Old Men
North by Northwest
PISS YOUR PANTS
Ferrel’s greatest creation is Ron,
As newsreaders go, he’s the Don,
With an all-out brawl,
The cast has a ball,
With a sequel, the legend lives on.
Castle, The (1997)
While the characters may seem a bit sillier,
The Kerrigan’s are all too familiar,
Bana’s best role,
“Dale dug a hole”,
An Aus-com that is bound to fulfill ya!
Dazed & Confused (1993)
With actors who later become stars,
Smoking spliffs and cruising in cars,
While Affleck’s a dick,
School’s crueller than life behind bars.
Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Two guys you wouldn’t dream of employing,
They’re dumb, but more sweet than annoying,
So many one-liners,
Don’t throw salt in diners,
Even Jim Carrey can’t stop you enjoying.
Hangover, The (2009)
The Wolf Pack will have you in a fit,
Came from nowhere to become a smash hit,
Makes your benders seem tame,
Shot these three actors to fame,
But produced sequels that frankly were shit.
Monty Python and The Holy Grail (1975)
While Python’s humour requires a certain taste,
Their impact on comedy will not be erased,
So silly it’s clever,
As these knights endeavour,
On a quest like no others have faced.
Napolean Dynamite (2004)
The main hero is a red-headed geek,
And these characters are no short of unique,
Fans of this are devoted,
It’s still often quoted,
Too bad this was the cast and crews’ peak.
Team America: World Police (2004)
Stone and Parker trade paper for string,
With puppets who have sex and sing,
It’s very un-PC,
But you’ll laugh ‘til you pee,
Don’t watch if you don’t like swearing.
Wayne’s World (1992)
Based on the SNL skits,
Myers and Carvey will have you in fits,
Rob Lowe plays the prick,
Who’s “pralines and dick”,
And the sequel keeps up in its wits.
There’s no other idiot like Derek,
So stupid, his lines are hysteric,
One of Wilson’s best roles,
And Ferrell kicks goals,
A cameo list that’s far from generic.
In space they can’t hear you scream,
This is terrifying like a bad dream,
With Scott in top form,
Sci-fi horror’s reborn,
And the toughest female to be on the screen.
If you don’t want to join ‘em then beat ‘em,
And William Wallace led an army to defeat ‘em,
Gibson starred and directed,
Won Oscars… expected,
Often quoted: “They’ll never take our FREEDOM!”
Departed, The (2006)
Finally won Scorsese his dues,
A favourite actor is quite hard to choose,
Matt and Leo lead well,
Jack’s fun as hell,
Baldwin and Walberg’s scenes also amuse.
This epic is a tough one to rival,
For sheer scale of this one man’s survival,
Filled with blood-shed & suspense,
Crowe is fiery & intense,
Too bad Robin Hood was a second-rate revival.
Mann’s version of robbers and cops,
Required depth and some acting chops,
With Pacino as hero,
Tracking bad-guy DeNiro,
Heat spawned hundreds of replica flops.
Matrix, The (1999)
On release this film dropped people’s jaws,
And the concept still baffles and awes,
Reeves still sounds stoned,
But in this role he owned,
The sequels damaged how brilliant it was.
The greatest film made about war,
Is focussed on emotion, not gore,
Soldiers question their morals,
Among troop leader quarrels
Stone’s epic shakes you to the core.
From a bum to heavyweight glory,
This is the ultimate underdog story,
Sly’s not just muscle,
But knows how to hustle,
And ‘Screenwriter’ adds to his inventory.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
One of the only films to make me cry,
Watch the last scene and you will see why,
Mot much goes to plan,
In a search for one man,
Hard to watch, but well worth a try.
Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
Arnie’s acting is usually ordinary,
But as Terminator it’s quite the contrary,
With some impressive effects,
This time he protects,
Against an updated model that’s scary.
Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid (1969)
Citizen Kane (1941)
Forrest Gump (1994)
Godfather, The (1972)
Lord of the Rings (2001)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Rain Man (1988)
Schindler’s List (1993)
Sting, The (1973)
2 Days in Paris (2007)
Annie Hall (1997)
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (2004)
Garden State (2004)
Graduate, The (1967)
Harold & Maude (1971)
The oddest couple to hook up on screen,
A young boy and a grandma? The concept’s obcene,
With suicide faking,
A cult film in the making,
Cat Stevens’ tracks setting the scene.
High Fidelity (2000)
Cusack’s Rob is a bit of a jerk,
He hates his friends, his life and his work,
One man’s battle of sexes,
As he goes through his exes,
Black’s best is less loud and more quirk.
Lost in Translation (2003)
Love Actually (2003)